The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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