Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
