I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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