Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
