dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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