There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
