i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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