I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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