weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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