I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
