I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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