Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
