I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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