my phone needs a breathalizer
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
