The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
