Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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