I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
