i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
