imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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