Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sext me about skeletons
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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