I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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