HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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