Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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