dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
