At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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