I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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