I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
