I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
