he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
