you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
