3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
