If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
