Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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