I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
