I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
