just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
