Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
