Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
