Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
