I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
