are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
