Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
