I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
