Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
