i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
