if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I faked an abortion last night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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