i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
