See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
