on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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