what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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