I cannot find my penis.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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