Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
